Autumn always manages to sneak up and surprise me. I am constantly singing the praises of Summer. Waxing lyrical to anyone and everyone about how I feel more alive in the Summer. How my body is always more at ease with fewer clothes on, when it’s brown and when it’s not clenched and taut in order to fend off the cold. I spend as much time as possible outside riding my bike, swimming in open air pools, ponds and the sea. My legs are free, the sunnies are on and I am in my element.
As soon as the August bank holiday ends however I am officially in mourning. I’m complaining about the darkness creeping in, the cooler nights and the arrival of conkers. I lament about how much I love the long, lazy warm days of Summer and how I don’t think I will possibly be able to survive the next nine months.
Then I actually stop and look around me and I see the beauty in Autumn. This is what always catches me unawares. It’s a stunning season. I look up at the brilliant blue skies that somehow feel even brighter than a cloudless July day and realise that my sunnies are still being worn. I am in awe of the fiery red, vivid orange and toast brown leaves that either gather round my feet or shape the landscape in front of me. The crispness in the air means a change of clothing that, I am loath to admit, I’m actually ready for. A bare leg with an oversized knit. Cute ankle socks and heavy brogues. Sweatshirts and pencil skirts. Light coats that are part of your outfit rather than a necessity or a ‘just in case’. Then I look in the mirror.
Oh Jesus! What a frikkin’ state!
No. I can not do Autumn. I can not do in betweenness. I am all or nothing I’m afraid. I’m either a simple cotton dress and flip flops or seventeen layers, a cashmere scarf, an oversized coat and a hat kinda gal. This ‘is it warm/is it going to rain/or is it actually cold?’ malarky catches me out every year and I look a fool. That bare leg and an oversized knit? It just doesn’t work. My legs started to lose their colour due to the reality of them having not seen real sunshine since mid July and are now pale and motley.
My face on the other hand still has the malasma stains of too many summer’s spent with not enough SPF applied. This means my dirty face can’t take much make up and so a pillar box red lip is unable to distract from my uncooked chicken legs. The tube in October and November is far too hot for ‘the Autumnal sloppy knit that makes you feel cosy’. Also you can forget about heading down the tights route this early on. ‘Swamp ass’ is a phrase I’ve discovered recently and is also an unpleasant sensation I’ve discovered recently.
Florals are out of place, cashmere is too much. Boots are unnecessary and jackets aren’t enough.
I am sartorially lost in this tricksy season that lulls me into a false sense of security with it’s gorgeous changing colour scheme and it’s desire to start hunkering down in our homely on trend hygge.
Bring on a full-blown freezing Winter….Now there’s a phrase I never thought I’d say!