Red shoes, No knickers

Yearly Archive: 2019

Wednesday

5

June 2019

0

COMMENTS

Summer Styling

Hey Guys!

Remember the Summer of 2018? Remember??!? It was…well it was 12 months ago. I remember it extremely well. There was so much sunshine my melasma stained face has only just returned to it’s regular colour of ‘Are you ok? You look ill’. I mourn the passing of ‘The Summer that was’ because whatever we’ve got masquerading as ‘a Summer’ in 2019 just doesn’t wash with me. ‘YOU SHALL NOT PASS’ I say! Obvs if you’re reading this in the US of A you’re perplexed. You lucky beasts get gifted a yearly Summer from the sensibly allocated time slot of May to September.

In Unit K, however, we rarely get the never ending heatwave that was Summer ’18. This year we very miserably have a piss poor showcasing of my favourite season and it means I’m struggling. I’m struggling because I’ve self diagnosed myself with SAD. But on a much more trivial level I’m struggling because I’ve got a wardrobe full of  bright, colourful clothing that simply doesn’t get worn. Let’s get down to the serious stuff here!

My beautiful & carefully selected garms hang in my closet looking back at me shouting ‘What the fuck?! PICK ME!!!! Do you not love me anymore?!’ 

The trouble is I do indeed still love these beauties but Summertime in the UK, and especially in a city, is not for a strapless dress I made out of material purchased in Zimbabwe. My Java print maxi dresses and Hawaiian MuuMuu’s look a little out of place on the Northern Line. And don’t even get me started on a flip flop at Leicester Square station. No. Sadly a crap city Summer needs a different type of styling and a whole rethink of one’s wardrobe.

The bright prints, the floaty skirts and the strappy sandals aren’t being discarded though. Don’t you worry. They’ll still be worn around the house and on that one really hot Wednesday we’ll get at the end of July. Also they’ll be accompanying far flung holidays where there is a lot more appreciation for them. But for now I’m looking to change things up a little and reinvent my seasonal style.

But where to begin I hear all the women reading this cry out?

Firstly divide your wardrobe up into sections. City Summer and Summer Summer. Summer Summer involves all our flimsy beauties. Anything brightly coloured, cut off tiny shorts, halter necks, sacklike crotch airing dresses and sandals that make a loud slapping sound ever step you take. City Summer, on the other hand, includes heavier materials and more muted prints. Longer skirts, sleeved dresses and a sturdier sandal. City summer is where I’m injecting some fresh ideas and I’m starting with linen.

 

 

Once a staple with the 50 plus woman who lives in the suburbs, the worlds oldest fabric has been reclaimed by the environmentally conscious. It’s breathable, stronger than cotton and most importantly more sustainable. 2019 sees me looking for midi skirts in double linen. Cool enough to float around in during the day but will keep my legs warm during those East London nights. Also a  vintage sweater plus a linen skirt looks #summerchicrealness

 

 

 

All hail the summer short! Whoop! Now I love a pair of shorts and love even more the fact that the shorts suit is back. Think smart, high waisted, crisp cotton/linen. Have them sit on or just above the knee. For evenings think silk boxers. Who cares if you’ve got to wear a long sleeve AND a jacket on top. You’re essentially wearing trousers….only shorter. Get it?

If like me you find it too hard to step away from prints and patterns then simply think smaller and less bright. Magenta and sunshine yellow hibiscus flowers scream Hawaii ~ Trailing petite roses in rust, olive and soft pink whisper English countryside. Choose a patterned dress with big sleeves as opposed to strappy thin ones. Pick something a little more fitted as opposed to loose and loungy. A classic print with more coverage of your body means you can seamlessly skip from a picnic in St James’ park to last orders in Soho.

How to house the trotter? A closed toe can feel restrictive when it’s 20 degrees outside but more often than not we’re wading our way through overcast, grey days. Thank God the open toed mule has made a return, right? A small enough heel to elevate our feet from the London streets and a suitable enough airing for our rarely seen pedicures. Leave the square toes in the noughties rather go for a classic shape. A mule can easily be worn with those linen skirts we’re dreaming of just as well as our newly purchased knee length shorts. Also, a loose, baggy jean and a heeled mule….Perfection.

Anyone else rethinking their Summer wardrobes? What’s on your revamp list?

Let’s discuss on Tooting common with a bottle of rose. I’ll bring the umbrellas….

 

Posted in Beautiful shoes, Inspiration, Inspire me, Summer plans

Wednesday

13

February 2019

0

COMMENTS

Oh for something new in fashion

Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night drenched in sweat. My heart is pounding and my breathing erratic. I take a large gulp of air and try to calm myself. I rack my foggy, sleepy brain for what could have awoken me so violently…..and then I remember.

Low rise jeans are making a comeback.

NOOOOooooooo!!! I mean COME ON! How much more do they think we can take? What with T**** in power, Brexit looming over our country and Beyonce forcing us all to go vegan I’m at my wits end. Now, as a 40 year old woman with short legs and a wobbly gut, you’re expecting me to wear jeans that skim the top of my ever present pubes? How dare you!

Within the safe circle of this newsletter I will admit that first time round I was a big fan of the low rise. I really was. I would go so far as to say I was one of the first people {no doubt in the world} to start rocking them. In 2000 I saw a picture of Mariah Carey in a pair of jeans where the waistband had been cut off. It was the simplest DIY ever and I took a pair of scissors to 90% of my jeans.

                                                             {Carey with not a care in the world}

Why not? I could afford to back then. I had an unintentional six pack and I was twenty two years old. As I tell all my Wardrobe Detox clients ~ Your twenties are for experimenting with fashion, your thirties are for honing your style and wearing what actually suits your body shape. Regardless of whether it’s in style or not. I was not honed at twenty two. I was always experimenting and I didn’t realise that low rise jeans made my already dumpy legs look even dumpier and my long body like that of a dachshund.

While we’re in the confessional booth of Noughties nightmares I will also admit that I was not adverse to the showcasing of a whales tail. For the uninitiated amongst our congregation the whales tail was the uncouth styling of a coloured thong rising above the dangerously low sea level of your denim. I’m not particularly proud of this era but it was a hell of a lot better than the alternative which was exposing your ass crack to all and sundry whenever you bent down to pick up your dignity.

The cracks {pun intended} started to appear, however, towards the middle of the Noughties. My love affair with Britney’s favourite style of jeans* began to fade. I realised that with nothing supporting my stomach I wasn’t engaging my core when performing heavy lifting or simple general being. I started the incredibly bad habit of using my back instead of my core and I can tell you now the repercussions are STILL OCCURRING. Yes People, you heard it here first. Low rise jeans gave me a bad back and I have therefore deemed them a health hazard. They were uncomfortable, unforgiving and unflattering.

Now, with the return of the low rise jean must come the renaissance of the ‘going out top’. Again. DO ONE!!!

                                                                                                        {chain mail, repurposed pillowcases and a handkerchief}

Never been a fan. Never understood them, never liked them. Back in 2002 these so called ‘tops’ would often resemble a triangle on your front and a complicated macrame task on your back. We were inundated with crop tops of every incarnation ~ T-Shirts with Little Miss characters on them, satin boob tubes purchased from Monsoon and worn by reluctant, bitter bridesmaids. The tiniest of tops would sometimes come in a smart tweed or an elegant houndstooth fooling no one that they could be worn as office attire. There were off the shoulder peasant tops skimming the underside of breasts, chain mail, cowl neck halter tops that were freezing to put on and could only clothe those of us with nothing larger than a -A cup. Denim bustiers, sequinned camisoles and lace trimmed vests.

What other horrors are lurking in the shadows? What unflattering sartorial memories are waiting to pop up on the frame of a teenager and confront us all with our youth?

As discussed before the cowboy boot has returned but I think I’ve made my peace and I’m on board with them. The ever practical fleece is making a comeback but it never went away in my eyes so the rest of what was in fashion nearly two decades ago I think I can do without. The asymmetric hems, the wide belts and the micro bags. These things need to stay with the lost, thin girl who laughed at men when they weren’t funny, didn’t speak up when she didn’t understand and cut her own hair with blunt scissors.

The bubble skirts, the ballet flats, the rose coloured glasses and those bloody painful, unattractive, low rise jeans need to be left in their place of origin.

The Noughties….where nought really needs to be revived. Oh for something new in fashion.

 

 

 

 

*unlike me, Britney, who also owns short legs and a long body, has never moved on from the fashion crimes of her past. Like a lot of people tend to do she has stayed in the era she felt she looked the best. Google any picture of BS & note that the low rise will be her jean of choice for life. Bless her. May her extra long, tanned torso stay exposed forever. Not sure she’d be Britney without it.

Posted in Fashion week, Inspiration

Follow

Get every new post on this blog delivered to your Inbox.

Join other followers: